Carpe Noctum Tantibus
by Ispell2
Summary: Courier and Mercenary Lex is known for being unwaivering and vicious, and has long ago abandoned any notion of becoming a good person - until she finds Veronica at her side. When Lex finally finds her first love once more in the legions of Caesar when she is requested by Caesar himself to join him, who will win her complete trust?


Lex hadn't counted on Veronica talking her into taking her with her. She hadn't counted on Veronica reigning her in from making her normal decisions and going about her normal life. And, as cliche as it was and as much as it made her stomach hurt and her head grind to think about it, she damned sure hadn't counted on growing fond of her.

Week 1 it was 'sure, maybe a companion would be nice. Besides, she looks pretty damn inexperienced, and I like that tongue of her hers. I'll take her with me as far as New Vegas, show her the lights and glamour of it all - and I'll get to play the heroine in Freeside too, protect her from those "thug" fellas that couldn't hurt a kitten and wouldn't dare hurt anyone on my arm. Go dancing, play some cards... Then I lay her and leave her. It's not like I'm good company to be keepin', especially for a girl like her, with those big doe-eyes'.

Halfway through week 2 it was 'oh... All she wants outta life is a dress? A fancy, sexy, 'Glamourous Woman' kinda dress? I can actually respect that, and I definitely know the type; that's the only damn type I wear. Maybe I could hook her up with my tailor... Maybe I could find her a real pre-war designer gown... I'd still be takin' her for a spin, and she'd be twice as likely to put out then! Besides, where's it written that a fucked up fuckup of a gal can't do somethin' nice for a sweetheart like her - before pulling one over on her.

And yet, that quest to find her a dress was the push that made the rails click onto the track. By week 4 - which was around two and a half weeks longer than it was initially supposed to be - she found herself swimming in those beautiful delicate eyes of hers. She dreamed no longer only about her gorgeously toned legs and what was between them, but about kissing her slow, nice and gentle, one hand caressing her face with her thumb brushing strands of dark brown hair behind her ear, and the other at the small of her back, tracing up her spine. Lex didn't even notice that this wasn't just any old lust or desire - if it were, it wouldn't be half so gentle and savory. It'd be rough, carnal, primal sex, and if Veronica was anything like the girl Lex had pegged her for - or the guys and girls she usually went for for that matter - then Veronica would be just as intense as she.

To the outsider, Lex was an easy mark to make; just your average cold, sensual merc who'd shoot anybody for a few caps - or for amusement. And in honesty, that was a good portion of her personality. There was so much wreckage to sift through in her mind; pick through a pile of childhood memories, and you'd come up with a handful of glass shards. Past loves? Red-hot metal, twisted around charred wood and burnt remains. Forget about family, too - that was a hazardous corridor of mines that only got tighter the further it went. And in the middle of it all, Lex stood watching, smiling, warming her hands above the chaotic flames, blissfully unaware that she too was made of smoke-smeared glass and burning wood - and the only thing holding the pieces together was a thin length of threadbare rope. To look in her eyes was all but at two times to look into the eyes of someone who was already dead.

The first of the ways was, obviously, when she had herself focused on Veronica. Just as when someone is experiencing a horrific fear, or taking their dying breath, their eyes gloss over - so did Lex's eyes seem to fill with a light mist; not in the way a fog covers ones eyes when they're tired, and not in the way one's eyes gloom and glower when horribly upset - but in a way that seemed to energize her more than a glass of neat Scotch ever did, and refresh her more than a warm rain on a cold evening. In truth, Veronica made her feel like that very same mist was all around her, lightly wrapping her in a blanket of moisture and warmth and not overpowering her into a deep sleep, but a deep, intimate daydream.

The other was not such a pleasant, romantic expression; it was an expression of pure, complete, obsessive motivation. A near maniacal drive that tugged at the back of her mind like reigns, constantly steering her back towards her task. She didn't care how many bodies she left in her wake; she was going to find that man.

She didn't used to be like this. When she was a little girl, she was like any other kid in the Mojave. She lived in a small farming community with her family. She used to make a couple extra caps hauling buckets of water from the dispensery to the fields. She'd play with her little sister, she'd help her community with the maize crops; she'd do what was required to help support a self-sufficient town. And when the raiders came and leveled the town, her father picked her up and made a break for it as she tried not to focus on the sight of her home fueling a raging flames that trapped her mother and sister inside, hearing their screams fade as their lungs filled with the thick black smoke.

She could only imagine what the pain was like. For awhile anyway.

Three loud shots pounded out of a revolver in the center of town, amidst the flaming homes and sheds and barns. One whizzed past Lex's head with a screaming noise that made her stomach upturn. The other two she didn't realize what had happened two until she registered that she and her father were no longer running, but in fact falling. With a scream of her own, she and her father skidded across the dusty rock-pocked ground, and though she was battered and scraped, and her father's dead arms were locked around her still, she dared not to scream again.

She huddled underneath her father, his body providing shelter for her. She was so in shock that - even though she knew it was there - she didn't seem to notice that bits of her father's brain and skull were flecked all around her head and shoulders. She kept still. She dared not to breathe, not to relax her muscles until the violent sounds of the raiders ravaging her beloved home and the women she'd known since she was a baby had vanished. She only allowed herself to take a single gasp of air once she was on the verge of passing out, and even then, she did it so slowly that she made scarcely a sound - though she knew that no one would be able to hear her tiny breaths over the sound of the roaring fire - and just barely sustained her lungs. And, when the fire was little more than a few remaining licks of flame, and almost entirely heavy black smoke suffocating the remaining embers, she finally let go; and expected not to wake up.

But she did wake up. Several times, never remembering more than a painful movement here, or a scratchy surface there.

And when she finally woke up - and remained conscious - the first thing she could see... was nothing. Vague shapes and colors, from shady and dim to searingly bright caused her to cry out in mild pain and surprise. A few seconds later, she felt a kind, cool hand wrap around her forearm. With bleary eyes, she tried ever so hard to make out the image in front of her. She could tell it was someone with short, reddish blonde hair and what she assumed was a fairly impressive tan - or perhaps sunburn.

"Hello!", a confident yet kind young voice softly said.

She could tell he was smiling just by the sound of his voice.

"Can you hear me? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded.

"Y-yes", she answered in a croaking, coarse voice.

She recoiled at the sound of herself, and from the pain it caused her.

The man must have seen her surprise, because he pulled a bottle of pure water from a box next to her bedroll, uncapped it, and handed it to her.

She cautiously took it from him, and took a sip. It burned. She downed the whole bottle nonetheless.

"Am... Am I a ghoul now?", she asked him fearfully, her throat feeling a bit better, and her voice smoothing out just a little.

He laughed and slapped his thigh.

"No, no, no; of course not! You're still as human as the day you were born. You've just...", he trailed off.

Leaning in closer to her, Lex could hear him struggle to find calm words to describe what Lex already knew to be a horror beyond that of his wildest nightmares.

Before he had a chance to speak, Lex spoke for him.

"Everyone's dead. Aren't they", she said matter-of-factly, a stoic expression washing across her face.

"... You've been through quite an ordeal. We found you a couple weeks ago, after hearing of a massive Fiend attack on a farming village. When we arrived, everything had been burned beyond repair; everything, that is, except you. We found you...", he trailed off, hesitating.

"I hid under my father's body", Lex said for him, her eyes welling up and her voice coming out of her mouth like a thick flow of bile from the back of her throat.

The cool, careful hand moved from her arm to her cheek, and wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks, stinging the slowly healing cuts and raw scraped flesh through the bandages on her face. She tried to look into his face, now more than before. She could just barely make out he was looking into her blurry eyes solemnly.

"You were very, very, very brave. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through, nor the sheer willpower it must have taken to survive. I know that your family would be proud of you", he told her softly.

He held her face for a little while longer, and just sat in silence with her for what seemed like an eternity.

"My name is Calvin. Calvin Yeoman. Most of my colleges here just call me Cy, though. What's your name?"

"I'm-... I mean... I was Alexandra Roman. I don't know who I'm supposed to be now."

She couldn't see it, but Calvin smirked, and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Roman, huh? How interesting. I don't suppose you have any interest in the ancient Romans, do you?"

"What do you mean? Like, Pre-War?"

"Oh, loooooong before Pre-War. Ancient Romans were the citizens of Ancient Rome! It was a grand and unbelievably advanced society thousands of years ago. I've always found it quite fascinating! Perhaps your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents were from Rome?"

"I... I wouldn't really know", she stuttered.

Calvin seemed disappointed.

"But I- I'd really like to learn more about these Romans!", she reassured him.

He smiled once more.

"I have a few data logs on them. Some holotapes, a few barely-salvaged pre-war books as well. I'd be more than delighted to lend you my collection any time you wish. Perhaps I could even tutor you!", he said excitedly.

Lex looked at her hands - or rather, where she assumed her hands were - and rubbed the top of her right hand, feeling the ragged scabs and scars across them.

"I would love to... But I... I really can't see", she said abashedly.

"...Oh."

She welled up again, but this time she wiped her own tears.

"Hold on just a second, Alexandra. I might have something that will help."

And he did. Granted, it was a two step procedure; the difficult part was clamping Lex's eyes open and injecting a bit of a stimpak in each eye. It worked like a charm though, and she was able to see outlines and make out faces and most mild details if they were directly in front of her. The second part required a bit of a sacrifice on Dr. Yeoman's part.

When her eyes had healed from the needle prick, he surprised Lex by removing the glasses that sat on his own face, wiping down the lenses, and placing them in her hands.

She looked from the old plastic, tortoiseshell framed glasses, to Calvin, and back again.

"Well go on! Put them on! Let's see if they'll work for you as well as they work for me!", he encouraged with a grin.

She slid the glasses over her nose and blinked her eyes into focus. Naturally, it wasn't a complete match for her eyes, but it was close enough - and that alone was a Goddamn miracle. In a few moments' adjustment, she could see as clearly as necessary the doctor before her wasn't quite what she'd imagined. While she herself was just about 11, Calvin looked barely 5 years older than her. He had a respectable amount of 3 day stubble for a young man his age, and he was rather handsome despite being fairly thin and tall. Lex immediately found herself forming a heavy crush.

And that was the beginning of what was hoped to be a long and beautiful friendship.

He was Calvin, and she was Alexus.

Lex stayed around the Followers of the Apocalypse outpost for years - throughout her adolescence - helping in any way she could, learning as much as possible about ancient Rome from Calvin, and doing her best to become a scientist like the others. But she was no good with medical procedures, and could just barely find a vein to inject stimpaks to help heal the people who came to their outpost for help. As she grew, she learned that she was much better as a guard than a doctor.

That was the first indication that something was wrong. She had become somewhat desensitized to the horrors of the Mojave. Wounds didn't shock her any more than a stubbed toe did, and bodies disturbed her no more than a chilly breeze during the middle of summer.

And as her particular set of skills grew, so did the apparent fact that she was somewhat of a hound dog. She didn't need to go chasing skirts and trousers; they came to her. She was lithe and tan, lean muscle setting her not-exactly-womanly-yet figure, and she kept her hair up in a tall black ponytail. She came into her own sexuality by 15, and despite that it was not functional attire for her job around the outpost, she started changing her look piece by piece. She traded her long heavy jeans for a skirt, and that skirt for a pair of short shorts. One of the doctors asked her if she was compensating for something. Lex replied with "Are you?".

But through all of it, the one person she wanted in truth was the only one that never made a move on her. When she was with Calvin, she wasn't a promiscuous piece of jailbait. She was a helpful, attentive kid. She was innocent, eager to learn and eager to please. If inside his reign of vision, she was trying to pull off a personality even more unlike her true nature, already masked by what she used to be. Her fantasies grew darker with every year; when she sneaked off base with someone, she wished with all of her being that she was really with him. She went from merely longing for a kiss, to daydreaming of him pulling her into his tent, furiously telling her he knew what she was behind the curtain, what she was doing with anyone who she saw fit, and that he'd slap her and have his way with her - only to have her grin and take control. Somewhere along the road, subconsciously, she'd gotten her understand of sex mixed and fused with her understanding of the macabre.

But she was smarter than she was disturbed. She kept those fantasies in her head, for later. And so while she presented sensual and thick to nearly anyone else, she remained cool and smooth to her beloved Doctor.

That is, until she turned 17. Her birthday, to be exact.

She awoke in the middle of the night to scent of burning flesh and a figure seated in a chair by her bedroll.

She stretched and reached for her glasses, vaguely able to make out the fuzzy edges of a man hunched over with his face in his hands, looking down in agitation.

"Alexus; you're awake. Good", he said, his head perking up.

He dragged the chair closer to the bed as Lex set adjusted the glasses on her face.

Calvin was covered in blood, his blonde hair the color of rust, and his clothes in bloody disarray.

She stared at him with wide eyes, neither sure of what to say - _or_ what was happening. But Calvin sat by her side smiling, waiting for her to react.

"Is... Is someone burning a Bighorn steak? And are you _okay_?"

He seemed to take delight in her reaction, and he reached out and took her hand.

"Oh, Alexus. You know what that smell it."

While anyone else would have wet themselves, Lex had merely developed a minor sinking feeling.

"Are we being raided?"

"No. And I'm fine. I'm _better_ than fine. I've proven myself in the eyes of Legion!", he gleamed.

Lex raised her eyebrows.

"You... Joined the Legion?"

"You don't sound upset by this. I knew you would understand! You and I are _so_ similar."

She tilted her head, her face blank.

"That's why I chose today to be my chance. And you to be my one survivor", he grinned, placing his hand over hers.

He leaned in for the final time, and kissed her gently. Her heart leapt, and in a moment of pure ecstasy and excitement at this simple action which she had so so long dreamed of she grasped his head behind his ears and pulled him deeper into the kiss, pressing her lips firmly against his. She was overjoyed when his lips parted, and devastated when he pulled away from her two minutes later.

He was grinning again, and his hands were at her hips.

"Happy Birthday Alexus."

* * *

They breathlessly lay pressed close together on her sleeping bag, and Lex was wrapped in Calvin's arms, their heavy breath mingling with the salt-and-copper taste on their lips and the unmistakably sweet, lush taste of Lex. Calvin had only been with one, maybe two women and one man in his entire life; he knew little in the forms and art of lovemaking. But that was not the case for Lex. She knew how to bring him to his knees, and when she realized that - though he was more-than-adequately equipped - he had limited technique, she compensated. Taught him. She guided his hands, giving slow detailed instructions that were interrupted every few moments by gasps and quick, heavy breaths. The blood on Calvin had merely covered his clothes and exposed body, and what remained when he removed his clothing was kept from drying and gluing himself and Lex together with their sweat.

It was truly the best he ever had, and Lex could easily say the same.

But 7 minutes later his ecstatic expression faded to a melancholy smile. He stroked Lex's hair, and kissed her on her nose.

"You have to leave now, don't you", Lex said lowly, not asking a question but admitting a great disappointment.

"Yes. I need to meet my contact with the proof I killed everyone here. Then I can truly serve the Great Caesar as one of his Legion."

"Can't I come with you?", Lex asked, her voice becoming more and more silent and small, and her eyes glazing over with tears not yet numerous enough to spill down her slightly bloody cheeks.

"I... Am not sure. I don't think I want you to", Calvin admitted, his thumb sweeping over the small of her back. He himself sounded sorrowful of this conclusion.

"When have I ever done want anybody wanted me to do?", she joked, trying to lighten their spirits. Trying to convince herself that would make him change his mind.

He let out a soft snort of amusement and smiled lightly.

"Only when you want it, too. But even though I want you to be with me, want you by my side at day and in my bed at night. But the Legion... They feel differently."

"They don't allow sex or love?"

Another light chuckle.

"More than just that. They don't _believe_ in love, they don't allow females to do anything but be impregnated and rear children, and I'm relatively confident that with those two things that they would not approve of _or_ allow a relationship like ours."

"We have a relationship?", Lex smirked slyly.

Calvin smiled back and lightly pressed his lips to her forehead before nuzzling her head with his own.

"Out of everyone here; everyone in the Followers of the Apocalypse; everyone in the Mojave; fuck, _everyone_ \- I consider _you_ my true equal. I know for a fact that you are nearly every bit as intelligent as I am - and would be easily if you had the proper education. If I had tried to kill _you_ , I'm certain that you would either defeat me or we would fight indefinitely until one of us messed up. You're just like me in almost every way, and that makes you fascinating and awe-inspiring. I've known this since we first met. I love you; and because of that I can't bear to see you treated like a breeding cattle. I refuse to force you into a life like that - the life of a slave."

Lex pressed her forehead to his, and a stream of hot tears flowed to her pillow.

"If that ever changes - if Caesar ever makes an exception - I _will_ come for you. I swear it"


End file.
